I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
