I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
