haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
