Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
