god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm too high and old for this...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
