Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
