Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
