Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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