Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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