My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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