I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
