glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
