Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
