I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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