I could make wine with my vomit
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
How external is "for external use only"?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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