Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
