My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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