i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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