so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
