umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
only you would photoshop your dick
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize