I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
