Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
