yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Small penises have feelings too.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This is the high leading the old right now
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
