How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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