First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I love you.
Bad choice
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
