I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
two words...techno handjob
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
