I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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