Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
