someone threw a dead crab at me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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