I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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