i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
