Plan B is the new Plan A
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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