you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize