I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
