I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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