I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
