I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
