Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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