Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize