I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
