Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
