i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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