Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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