I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
