Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
