Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
