i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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