The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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