dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize