Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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