My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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