so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
