In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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