She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
