90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
