God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
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