trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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