I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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