I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
