I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
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