I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
