I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
