Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
