Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
