You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
