She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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