My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize