Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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