I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
