Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
