I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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