The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
