I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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